For the past two weeks I have spent much of my time sitting by my wife’s hospital bed. Her third stroke has left her unable to swallow, very limited in her ability to communicate, and constantly restless. It is a helpless feeling to watch her, not knowing what she is thinking about all this, and no knowing what she may recover or how long that will take.
It is frightening to think that a loved one may be severely disabled for a very long time. It is frightening to consider what caring for her for the next 5 months, let alone 50 years may look like, and how much sacrifice that will require.
One of the passages I came to in my regular bible reading a couple days ago was Mark 14. Verses 32 to 42 describe Jesus’ prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, just before his betrayal and crucifixion. I don’t think I have ever appreciated how hard it was for him to pray “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” There is real, human fear and anguish in his prayer. I think it’s safe to say that Jesus’ desire to avoid suffering the full wrath of God for sin was only surpassed by his desire to obey his father’s will. He was modelling what it means to deny ourselves for the greater joy of fellowship with God.
And so I find myself praying in my own defective way, “Lord, I can’t say how much I want more than to avoid this suffering, but the deepest desire of my heart is to obey you, to know you, and to walk in closer fellowship with you. If this is the only way that can be accomplished, your will be done.”
Dying to ourselves is never easy, but that is what Christians are called to. In the small temptations and the major crises, the command is the same: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.” (Mark 8:34-35)
So, I find myself sitting by a bed in the hospital, praying for my wife to recover, which would be the easier path for her, for me, and for our whole family. Yet, I am learning to pray more deeply, “Your will be done.”
Ruth said:
Andrew,
Sickness does not come from God. He is not trying to teach you or your wife a lesson.
Much love to your family,
Ruth
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Martin said:
Very Wrong Ruth!!!!
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andrewshaver said:
I don’t really want to argue with you but let me ask you a few questions. Did the people who crucified Jesus sin in doing so? Was it not Gods will that Jesus be crucified? Did Jesus not say of a particular man born blind that his blindness was purposes for the glory of God? Do you think Satan put one over on God in his dealings with Job? Is Gods perfect will ever thwarted? Is there a molecule in existence that does not obey his voice? Are we not to endure all hardship as discipline? Does God not discipline those he loves for all times for their good that they may share in his holiness?
I suggest your view of God may be far smaller than the Bible presents.
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ibwttty said:
Ruth, what about the man who had been born blind to show the glory of God?
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Kathy Jenkins said:
I do see what Ruth is meaning and she is right on one side of things. However, God does allow bad things to happen to us and one thing we do know is that He brings good out of them and helps us learn from these experiences. We live in a fallen world with sickness, all starting in the Garden of Eden. Is this exactly “God’s fault”? I’m not sure I’d word it that way, but God does help us through. I think what Ruth is meaning is that often people feel God is trying to teach them a lesson by bringing bad things because of things they’ve done, like a punishment. One advantage of going through something is that you can help others going through the same type of trauma. It’s certainly not good to start thinking within ourselves what we’ve done to deserve this. Keeping our eyes on God and not really questioning why it happened is probably the best way to look at it.
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andrewshaver said:
I agree in the sense that God never punishes his children. The punishment we rightly deserve was laid on Christ. However I would argue that God does just take bad things and steer them Ina good direction. In Joseph’s case he doesn’t say that God “used” (steered) his brothers evil for good, but that he “meant” it for good.
Let me be clear. My Father does no wrong. His love is without measure. He is wise to know exactly what will produce the highest good for me, and he is powerful to accomplish all he desires to happen.
I can’t imagine how I could endure suffering with hope if I didn’t know that it all comes through his loving hands.
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Kathy Jenkins said:
Most importantly, I just want to say how sorry I am that you and your family are having to go through this. I’m praying!
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Kathy Jenkins said:
Also, in our complex English language, “teach a lesson” can have different meanings, positive and negative. “Teach you a lesson” with a certain tone of voice has a completely different meaning than teaching us a lesson in a positive sense. It’s all how you look at it! Personally I think Ruth was taking it the negative way like you were blaming yourself. Sorry, teacher of the deaf who had to teach semantics here, LOL.
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Karen Wood said:
Andrew! I have no theological answers, no wise words, no smart quips that will take all of this away. I am so impressed by your blog. Believe me we have been praying. The only think I can hang on to right now is God is still on the throne. As you/we all cry out Abba Father, my prayer is that he will bring himself close to you in this. Much love.
Karen Wood
PS I am following you for sure on your blog!) xoxo
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Mary Ellen Cain said:
Dear Andrew and Kim,
We have been praying for you both and your sweet little girl. No great insights except hang on to God and don’t give up.
Mary Ellen
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